This week my seventy-five-year-old mother is downsizing from a five-bedroom house into a one-bedroom apartment. I attribute her need to move to an assisted living facility to the unprocessed grief and depression over my dad’s passing.

Her new apartment is not where she expected to live out her days. This move is not her choice. She is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. In spite of that, she has struggled to do so since my dad passed away. I believe her grief and depression is related to her opinion that life is, in itself, a disappointment.

As an Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist, I too am struggling with her move. My mother has always been an example of a strong, modern woman. She raised my sisters practically by herself. After I turned eight years old, she purchased a fixer-upper. Together with my grandfathers’ help, she gutted the house and made it into a nice, comfortable home for us.

My mother re-married in my early teens and went on to complete her Associates Degree. Along with my dad, she stayed active. In addition to raising five girls, my parents were always ready to take on another home project. She and my dad taught us girls to be courageous and tackle the next new idea or plan.

Approximately ten years ago my dad received a terrible diagnosis. After a few years his illness became a reality in all our lives. My mother indicated she was fine and would be absolutely okay after he passed. She faced his illness and death in much the same way she had her life up to that point. Not afraid, not worried, she planned his service and the party afterwards in her typical fashion.

It was almost six months later that she finally told me she missed him. To be frank, I found myself surprised by her admission. She is not an emotional person and does not typically express her feelings to anyone. Since her admission, my sisters and I have watched as she steadily declined.

She has a competent doctor and a wonderful counselor. Between the two, she has prescriptions for her grief and depression as well as other ailments. Unfortunately, she sub/consciously chooses not to take advantage of these tools. She is not honest with her doctor or counselor about her emotions, and she seldom if ever takes her medications.

I watch her struggle to get through a daily routine and take care of her physical, mental and emotional well-being. Throughout my life she has represented a strong, invincible role model to me and my sisters. The grief and depression that has enveloped her the last two years has shown me a woman I didn’t know existed.

Although I have suggested multiple times that she work with another specialist, she has decided against doing grief work. It pains my heart to know The Grief Recovery Method could help her heal and give her the opportunity for a happier life. I am unable to get her to engage in her day-to-day life, let alone The Grief Recovery Method process.

After completing my initial training and certification, I worked through my relationship with my mother and will admit it is the most difficult to date. When I completed grief work for our complicated relationship, I experienced a huge shift. I now realize this move is generating more grief as I have continued to watch her fail these last few years. I plan to continue working through my relationship with her to help both of us.

If you or a friend or family member are going through a similar phase in life, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me and learn more about one of the amazing Grief Recovery Method programs I offer. I look forward to hearing from you.