The Early Years

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching most of us are likely focusing on our current partners or the fact we don’t currently have a partner. However some of our thoughts may turn to lost loves and love lost. Holidays and other special dates, Valentine’s Day in particular, can bring up strong memories of past crushes and first loves. The memories from the early years of life can unexpectedly stir up grief.

It started for most of us in the early years of our lives, during grade school. The decorated shoe boxes made an appearance. They were covered in construction paper and adorned with doilies. We waited expectantly, hoping our secret crush would give us a “special” valentine card, not just the regular one they gave to all the other classmates.

The day of Valentine’s, we typically had a home room party before school was released for the afternoon. It was usually filled with giggles, sly looks and lots of sugar. Some of the class eagerly anticipated the opening of the boxes and cards. Others, filled with dread, anxiously awaited the same.

Would He? Will He? Be Mine?

If you were a bit braver you might have even have given the object of your affections a traditional handmade Valentine card covered in glitter and hand-cut hearts. In 8th grade I had a crush on the boy who lived across the street. I spent several afternoons at the local drugstore searching for the perfect Valentine Card. I wanted to let him know how I felt but I didn’t want to bring total humiliation down on my head.

I finally found it. Snoopy and Woodstock were sweet, but not mushy. I lived right across the street in a very small town but I mailed the card to him. I anxiously awaited for the card to arrive and for him to be my Valentine.

Not My True Love…

The next day I heard a knock at the front door and when I opened it there he stood. I was stunned my efforts had paid off. He looked at me through the screen as I anticipated he would say everything I had hoped for…. Um, NOPE. He said, “I got your card. Thank you.” He then turned around and walked back across the street and out of my 8th grade dreams.

As an adult I now understand he did the kindest thing anyone could do under the circumstances. He acknowledged I sent the card. He thanked me for my interest. He walked away with both our dignities intact. In retrospect I couldn’t have asked for more.

In reality, the next day was Valentine’s Day. My 14 year old self was embarrassed and upset when I walked out of the lunch room to find him intensely making out with a classmate of mine. If a bomb had gone off I don’t think either one of them would have noticed.

Lucky for me I was able to skulk around the corner without either one of them seeing me. Unfortunately there was only one entrance and one exit to the lunch room and every day forced me to see them standing there smooching. My friends knew I had a crush on him and so like any one, I pretended I no longer cared or liked him. It was a painful Valentine Disappointment and Heartbreak.

Where to go from Here?

Last year I made a Loss History Graph of all my Emotional/Love losses based on the Grief Recovery Method. Before I wrote this post I hadn’t even considered this experience in the early years of my life to be important enough to fall on my graph. As of the writing I can see it has enough importance to still dredge up old feelings of rejection. I now realize I need to complete this relationship to continue my healing.

What’s Next? Start Healing!

It’s never too early or too late to take the first step toward healing. You are invited to schedule a free 15-minute consultation or sign up for an upcoming Grief Recovery Support Group in Wichita, Kansas.